Dorrk Dot Com

If I were a cranky old man, the kind with insane eyebrows like Andy Rooney, who write angry letters over every minor peeve, I’d have to write one to Hickory Farms.

Now, I like HF gift boxes, with their nice but unremarkable little beef sticks, pseudo-gourmet cheeses and run-of-the-mill sweet-hot mustards, and I received yet another this Christmas. Goody for me.

But those bastards always gyp you on the crackers. Take this year’s gift, for example, not dissimilar to the Turkey Hickory Sampler Gift Box, which contains:

- 7 oz. Turkey Summer Sausage
- 4 oz. Creamy Swiss Blend
- 2 oz. Italian Herb & Cheese Spread
- 2.5 oz. Cranberry Mustard
- .5 oz. Cracked Wheat Crackers
- Hickory Farms® Spreader

.5 oz of crackers? That’s 4. Four crackers. Why even bother? That’s not nearly enough crackers to last through any one of the other items. Frankly, I prefer Wheat Thins, but this is such a naked attempt to lure you in to buy additional crackers, that it puts me off the whole package.

It’s because of things like this that when my company sends out end-of-year treats to our best clients, this year we ditched HF and went with the much more enjoyably named Wisconsin Cheese Man.

Take that Prickory Farms!

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